flowerfieldsofelysian-deactivat:
She’s a ten but anytime she’s going through a hard time, she automatically reads and listens to music all day because she would rather escape this world and focus on other peoples sorrow and problems than her own.
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weightloss curse
oh no! a curse to lose 3 lbs!
like to recharge, reblog to activate
(via whatcalories)
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I wasn’t supposed to be here.
I was never meant to be born, it took three years and scientists.
I’m not supposed to be here.
I don’t want to be either.
Perhaps I could rectify the situation.
Remove myself from the space that wasn’t mine to claim in the first place.
Why did you force me into existence, and then abandon me?
It’s comical in a way. Creating something, being determined to have it, so much so that you use three years and a set of scientists in order to finally have it, and then when you do, after a few years, you decide you don’t want it.
What was the point?
What was the purpose?
I don’t think I have one.
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I think about it every night.
About you.
About us.
About why I could never be good enough.
I don’t want to think about it anymore.
I don’t want to think anymore.
About you.
About us.
I don’t want to live another night.
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Perhaps our downfalls have the same cause.
They just hit at different times,
yours then mine.
You may be who I pine for,
but she is,
ultimately,
our shared hamartia.
It doesn’t hurt all the time,
instead,
it comes in waves,
and it feels like I’m drowning.
Maybe you haven’t had your first wave,
and maybe that’s why you haven’t come back.
But I do fear that maybe you’ll never have a wave,
never feel like you’re drowning.
Maybe, for you,
I’m not worth drowning for,
but you are,
for me.
Maybe one day I’ll find peace in the water,
in the pain.
Maybe I’ll take my final breath,
giving into the wave,
letting it take me.
It’s tiring, almost drowning repeatedly.
I’m tired.
Maybe I can rest in the water.
-S.A.W
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A symptom I’ve never seen people talk about of BPD is when the abandonment issues go in the other direction. Instead of holding on for dear life, we push them away and take the I’m-going-to-leave-you-before-you-leave-me approach.
Right now I feel like I’m being slowly abandoned by my friend for her boyfriend, and I’ve just completely stopped talking to her. I just don’t want to go through the hurt and embarrassment of being dropped like that. And I keep getting angry about it. But then I’m also dealing with being left first but by my dad and it’s all such a big ✨mess✨
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